Color the grey days

2019: Not such a good year for me. It was also the year where I faced two minor chances of having cancer, luckily all I needed was a minor day surgery and all turned out to be fine. But the stress of wondering if, for months. Not recommended...
To give a short recap, life has been tough the past couple of years.. I have tried desperately to cling to my job, despite getting more and more sick, but alas I had to succumb April of last year as my body and mind just was not capable of doing what I wanted. So I have now been outside of work for a year. I was hoping I would slowly build strength after that, but apparently my illness does not care if I work or not, it is still there, just now adding some sadness to it all, having to let go of a great job, and not the least the security and financial part of it. Still, it reduced my stress level at least. Then came fall and I started to feel some weird sensation in my feet. It developed and became increasingly painful. I waited for quite some while before finally going to the doctor. Plantar Fascitis. Some can recover in days with sufficient rest. I am not some, apparently. Nine months since it started and I am still struggling. This past year my kids have had to wheel me around in a wheelchair if we went to a shopping mall or I wouldn't have been able to go. I used crutches for a while and I sleep with support. It became better last month, and boy was I happy to be able to start walking more again. But then it started coming back only after a couple of weeks. Needless to say it was a blow. Still better than what it was at its worst, though.

night support

So who am I now? Without a job, without the ability to do the things I want to do, feeling I am a little pebble of who I used to be. What is my worth now? What use am I to the world? I have seriously been thinking about this. I have always worked so hard to prove my value to the world, now I don't have the energy to prove it anymore. Does that mean I don't have value?
I logically know that I have value, I just need to feel it. And to me, I have value if I can be of value to others. So I need to find things that I can do for other people despite my physical ailments because of Fibromyalgia.

I have told you earlier that I love movies about the end of the world or catastrophes because they make people forget the stupid quarrels and see the good in each other again. I guess that is the one thing to take home from the Covid-19 situation; seeing the goodness in people around us and in the world, how they come up with ideas of how to serve others despite the physical barriers between us. It inspires me. There is always a way to lift others, despite the circumstances. I have decided to have a goal to consciously do something every day to lift someone elses day in some way. It does not have to be a big thing, but just having that focus on a new day, gives the day meaning and lifts my spirits. I therefore hereby challenge you too, to consciously decide to do one thing each day, for someone. It could be as simple as a smile, a phone call, a letter, or you can go as creative and elaborate as you want.

We don't know what the future brings, but while we are waiting, we might as well color our days with love towards others.

I wish you all the best on this sudden journey we now find ourselves in, not knowing where the 2020 train will take us. We are all on it so lets just make the best of it!

Virtual hugs from me